The Proposal

How bittersweet that this is the next post. We go from sadness to incredible happiness. This has been a hell of a year for everyone in our family, but I'm glad it ends with smiles instead of tears.


So, without further ado - I got engaged on Christmas morning!

Danny & I have been together for almost 8 years. I've known for a while that we would be getting married this coming summer, but I was blown away when he proposed.

As this is the first Christmas without my mom, Danny decided he wanted to do my stocking. My mom and I always used to do stockings for each other - putting fun little dollar store items, makeup and things like that inside. We had already agreed that we wouldn't buy each other any other presents since we really don't need anything, so all I was expecting was my stocking.

Fast forward to Christmas morning. Our entire family was in our living room - everyone had come over to exchange presents at our house. He gave me my stocking and then another larger present that was the "guide" for the stocking (I was pretty confused..).

I don't need to say much else. I'll let you read on and go through this as I went through it and how everyone in the room heard it. He asked me to open this, and read it out loud:

Click the photos to enlarge and read the captions.

Gift #1 - Futureshop Gift Card
Gift #2 - Mustang
Gift #3 - Weekend at Bernies on a thumbstick
Gift #4 - A&W Gift Card for 2 whistle dogs

Gift #5 - Vodka

Gift #6 - Total Pet gift card

The campground/care aide story is backwards, but we'll fix it =)

Gift #7 - Mini Oktoberfest Stein

My accident was actually Dec 4th. And those are the
pictures we took the night before (wow!)



Gift # 8

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Opening the ring (please ignore my fabulous bed head):

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The end. =)

I carry you in my heart

Hi guys, sorry for the break..

I haven't been able to sit down and write what I needed to write until now. I knew I couldnt just keep going like nothing happened, so I knew I needed to be ready to talk about it.

My mom passed away on September 10th.

She went into the hospital on Monday, September 5th - she was having some issues with her liver/bile ducts not draining. She had just a couple of days prior had a stent put into her liver to help one of the canals drain. One of her cancerous lymph nodes had gotten bigger and was causing all of the problems by pushing on things it shouldn't have been. We didn't think it was a big deal - we thought they would just fix it up and she would be good to go back home.

You can obviously guess that we were wrong. She got an infection in her blood, her blood pressure wouldn't stay at a reasonable level without a ridiculous amount of drugs, and she would just not have been strong enough to handle another surgery.

We basically went through hell for 5 days. We had to make some very hard decisions, but we had a lot of family around - basically everyone that mattered to her was there at some point. There was a lot of waiting and long nights. She very rarely went without someone holding her hand or stroking her arm.

We did get to say somewhat of a goodbye. She was completely awake and aware when we brought her in, as well as the next day. When they told us what the outcome looked like, she was pretty drugged but she woke up and hugged us - and she could see it in our eyes. I didn't tell her what they told us, I just told her to keep fighting.

I'm incredibly thankful for everyone that was there for us. It was really nice to be able to sit around her bed and joke and laugh and talk. I know that she knew we were all there and I'm sure it made her feel better.

She passed away at about 2:30 am on the 10th (9-10-11 - I joked about that). There was a few of us in there with her. There was a lot of love in that room.

It was an absolutely beautiful day that day, and so instead of sitting inside and being sad we had a great pool party at my brothers house with all of the family that was still in town. It's definitely what everyone needed and mom would have loved it.

I feel pretty good now. We didn't expect to lose her so soon, but she had been battling cancer for 5 years and I know she was done. She was tired, and she was sick of feeling sick. I feel very happy for her that she doesn't have to deal with chemo or pain any more. While I miss her like crazy, I do feel that she's with me when I need her. She wouldn't want anyone to dwell on her death and be sad. I know that she would want everyone to be happy and continue on with their lives.

I think the fact that I got through this entire post with no tears is a sign that I'm okay.

Also - a great big thanks to all of my friends who have been there for me and who have let me slip away for a bit to deal with things on my own time.

So goodbye to my best friend. I will love you forever and I will always have you in my heart. I know that you will be with me when I marry the man I love, and I know that you will be with me when I kiss my babies for the first time.  I would give anything to hear your laugh again and see your beautiful smile, but I'm glad you're in a better place now where you can have bottomless cocktails and calorie free cream puffs.

(..so much for the tears)